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misses
jasmine here, penning almost all the rants and especially when the bottle within me is filled to brim. Don't read if you are not ready for it!
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a day wif lots of tears
hmm...today woke up round 11..coz going dwn to my aunt's there....today ish the last day liao...n ish going dwn to madai crematorium...hmm...my mum went dwn at 9 plus...we go dwn later..sianz half..neber get the chance to see her for the last time..haiz..coz the so called priest..onli mentioned for their family..thou we r...but ish those kind like daughters n son onli ba..so we dun get to see...haiz...when they were saying the prayers n all..lotz of them cried..esp my mum..hmm..kinda sad to see her crying..this ish the 2nd time liao ba...always so called kana affected by her..see her cry till like tt..also feel kinda heart ache..hmm...but den still controlling not to cry out la..hmm..tears welled up in my eyes nia..coz there r pple skooling..everybody ish like looking at us...hmm..esp when the coffin ish carried out...feel veri xin suan..haiz..but i do not noe y...when they were to carry it..we cannot see it..hmm...den the songs n all made us kinda...wah piangz...tis kind of time got this kind of music..realli make us..wanna cry out manz...hmm..den we walk for a few dist..den we board the bus liao..i was sitting beside my mum...i think she ish thinking bout the past..wif my aunt n all...tt's y she ish sobbing..but i do not want to console her..coz..she will cry further...n i also cannot control myself de..hmm..den thruout the whole journey..we were like diam diam..till we reach the crematorium...hmm..piangz..the whole place ish so damn nice manz...kinda high tech too...still got dunno how many service hall...den their service hall ish like...lecture hall...seh manz...den we gt to sit thruout the prayers again...i did listen it thruout..but was gifing this kind of face...-.-...seh manz...not even mi..my mother...my cousin..my bro...n all..all like...seh..-.-..noe y...almost half of the whole thingy..the person was like saying..bout the tsunami...n den was like..still got others tt ish so called out of topic...ish not tt we dun wanna care bout those deaths due to tsunami...but den for now..we r mourning for my aunt...haiz..but den we still sat thruout..den still got sing songs n all...the songs..also..alamak...they ask us to flip to dunno wat page but den when they sing..we ish like dunno where they r singing...for the whole 2 singing session..we were like flipping n searching..where the hell n figuring wat they r singing manz...ok nvm..den my cousin was like make this a joke..den made my mum luff..haha..den we got to proceed to the viewing rm..where by...we would witness the coffin being pushed into the burner?...hmm...i think it ish too high tech liao lo..haiz..i think for other places..we could feel the heat of it ba..but for there...we r still in a air conditioned rm...was like another thing..seh manz...due to all these...not much of pple cried ba..onli for a few moments nia..hmm...one of cousin..also took picture of it...i was like again sehing..hmmm..i'm totalli speechless bout this whole christian thingy..haiz...my mother also find it abit off ba...hmmm...oh ya...during the prayers they were like mentioning bout not gonna dream of her...n not gonna see her..coz she ish going to the heaven n all..hmm...i was like stunned tio..huh!..den how?..seh manz..den i was like asking..den how we noe where she go ..somehow..their beliefs n all..ish totalli diff manz..i was wondering..they shld haf...at least follow the religion tt her mother ish but not her sons ba..hmm..if i'm my aunt...i will feel kinda lost...seh manz...den they was like saying death ish not the end..den abit of insulting other religious belief for not knowing the eternal values of life...i was like again..SEH!!!..piangz..for the whole service..i was like...i realli dunno how to mention my feeling manz...part of it ish sorrow..the next part ish feel like wacking the priest off...dotx!...but den bo bian la...this ish their religion...i must somewat respect him or her ba...this whole cermony i tot i wld cry like hell..i even put tissue paper in my pocket juz in case..but den the whole thing..make mi thinking of wacking a pple den feeling sad manz...hmm..but when i was going home...den i feel kinda haiz...everything juz end like this..was like thinking if we mourn for the death..we shld also mourn for the new born babies ba..after tt i find this theory wrong..coz new born babies ish another sort of attachment to us..but death ish a seperation..haiz....den we go back to eat...got alot of dishes manz...den we went str home...feel kinda tired so neber join them to play mahjong..i also feel abit unfillial..juz so called see my aunt off..n for the next moment i was enjoying myself...tt's y i neber go over...hmmm...sheng li shi bie...ish a part of a life cycle....hmmm...tt's it ba...
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