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didn't blog for damn long. re-read some of the past entry after knowing it's been hijacked in a way...and I saw a trend..it's mostly on rants.
but yea...its not an old blog..its a space that allows me to say anything when i wanted to.
2012 finally ended on a good note yesterday with a bunch of crazy hall peeps.
fireworks kind of disappointing... was hoping that it would be right above me..letting all the unhappy stuffs burst up in the sky and just..move on with a good start with 2013...
but looks like it isn't a good start =.=
didn't wake up to a very good day...
but just hope everything would be sorted out
sometimes..certain things are beyond my means..i can't control..but i certainly don't want anyone to get hurt because of me or anything..guess it's a snow-balled issue..just hope that after saying and clearing the air...it would be better..
overview of 2012
apparently to me 2012 is not as good. i thought (but still! there are many unforgettable things that makes up to it!)
but I would say I met lots of good friends and I'm so glad that I have all of you.. supporting me..
started the year with a trip to hong kong with poly peeps (january)
mixed feelings for that..
but still i think i did enjoy myself after thinking back..
LAST YEAR AT THIS TIMING..I AM WALKING DOWN THE STREETS IN HONG KONG! why am i stuck here now!!!!=(
anyway just recalled the little incidents which makes me feel 2012 gonna be tough..
i hurt my lower spine plus i threw away $100SGD without realizing till the next day...
so memorable that i remembered till now..LOL
and i fell down? seriously what a good way to start a new year right!LOL
ok luh..everything's healed and money earned back so yea forget it..
that aside...i travelled and get to eat all the nice food in hong kong..yea..i wanna go again!!
Went to Super Junior concert..LOL
not really a mega fan but Just wanna get the feel of going to an IDOL concert..
ok I NEVER regret spending that amount to experience it..if possible i might still go for the next one..LOLL the sound system plus get to see them close up is OMG...
but the Q for the merchandise is definitely insane..All the XMMs are really crazy over them..
Australia (perth trip)
Darlin pei pei is in australia for close to 8 years and finally! we get to visit her!!! sadly yu hui can't go..i hope we can still go again anytime soon!!
Just love all the food there as well..especially the egg benedicT!!! i'm missing it alot!!!
don't really like it when the sun sets at 5pm though..i might like night but its just so not right when you are overseas and its night time(it feels like i need to sleep soon) and then the sun rise at 5am -.- when all shops are still closed...faint
ok another major blunder i made..i almost got into a car accident...which scare the hell outta the girls..me too..but driving in a foreign land...definitely a good experience
get to see wild dolphins too! omg!
feed kangeroos and touch a kola bear=DDD
we have a drive down to the magaret river for some sight seeing and lodge staying. but just love it when we go grocery shopping, and cooked and gobble everything together=D
k la, i might not be of any help for cooking but at least!...i'm there..=D
we went for 8 days? shiokness only
hong kong like 7-8 days also..cannot rem.LOL
after i'm back from australia, received the letter that i'm accepted to ADM..like finally i'm another step closer to my goal!Please don't ask me what i really wanna do in the future..its related to this, mostly on own business though..so yea!!! still on planning and adapting stage!
At the point when i saw the letter, i'm not quite sure what is the exact feeling i felt..its like..YES! but NO!...after i graduate..my youth and the golden period is like...gone..that's kinda depressing..
Consult my brother on this and he told me to go ahead with my plans..
anyway when i graduated from poly, i thought its fine to study my degree at any age.as long as its something i wanna do and not get affected by anything.
Though work wise ain't something related but still i learn something..
yea so after much considerations...I accepted the offer
Thanks to my lovely branch peeps for throwing me a party at OCC...
after so many years..this is my so called major birthday surprise that i totally didn't expect.
I knew that they are coming to celebrate..and its gonna just be like yea sit relax, watch movie and play some games.
Guess i'm really too reliant on them that whenever they offer to help me, i will just accept and thus the surprise.
Thanks thanks thanks so much..its way better than my 21st birthday although it should be the best..haha
and the gift..
Sarang hae love all of you max!
Worst period! trying to get a promotion, not able to get any leave cause i need to save it for july so that i could be dismissed earlier..yea..nothing much to update i guess.can't really remember any major events=S
09.07.12, i'm officially not a staff of the bank anymore. I miss the bunch of work colleagues. thanks so much for imparting all the knowledge to me, being so tolerant to my temper and attitude. I really have lots of fun and i definitely miss orchard branch.
Planned a phuket + bkk trip, first time having a transit over in a foreign country..i really love the moments i spent with "my dotter"..the resort stay in phuket and the swimming pool is just so pretty, love the night swim and the sitting by the pool and just relax..
love the boat ride out..and our fight against sleep when we pop the sea sickness pill (i think i will never try eating it again) the food and the walk and the massage..awesomeness
bkk, of cox the food again, the night market...i will never forget it..i still miss the bun, the vintage stuffs..vespa!
and our cool cool cams..=DD
2012 might not be the best year for you as well, but nevertheless, i will always be there for you whenever you need me..every time i see your tweets, i really feel like crying for you, hugging you, taking up the role of your lost..
i know that you are always strong, i'm proud of you but you don't need to pull up a strong front in front of us..
love you dotter..do take care of yourself and study hard!
right after bkk trip,
went for the hall camp which lasted 8 days. This camp really prep me well for late nights and don't need to sleep attitude..LOL..it really trains me well for endurance and I really met fun and loving people!
I never expect myself to go for this camp but i never regret it..
I didn't expect myself to be staying in hall as well but yup..one of the best decision i made in 2012
August - November
school starts, stress level goes up, drinking a lot..definitely more than the usual in-take.
cause i'm not at home and stuffs.
its just so difficult when not everyone is giving you the fullest support.
money is also another major probs for me(its kind of tough to start getting money from my mum and no income at all every month, this is one of the cons to work first instead)
anyhow, i still enjoyed the companions, the late night supper, the night study group, the staying up all night, chionging, watching dramas while drawing and stuffs! quizzing each other before exams..
just love it when my school ain't theory basis..i might die..LOL.. yea!
went bintan with school hall comm.
I'm quite reluctant to go or should say very. I don't really like to travel in big groups when you can't really have your own time. or should also say a group that i'm not close to.=S
Sometimes you just wanna be alone, stare into space and think of nothing or anything that I want. yea..paid..so still have to go.
Wasn't that bad after all.
I still have my own time, and when i roam away, they won't ask me why I'm away and stuffs. I still have the fun part with them as well..I'm really thankful and sorry for them that i didn't even put in the effort but yet, yea..I will try my best to help them out nevertheless.
Get to see fireworks and shooting stars! the best best best part...
It's like wow! did i see wrongly or so? but yea i saw SS twice..so i doubt i see it wrongly? i did make a wish..but i doubt it will happen.so yea...just let it be
didn't really do anything there..and it's good.just enjoy the breeze, the annoyingly addictive swing.
break away from the technology which i shouldn't be but heck it anyway... and stare out not thinking about anything..probably i did luh..can't remember what i'm thinking as well..lol
thats the last trip of the year...
i really hope i can at least travel to somewhere far in 2013=(
i'm in school close to 3 weeks despite being the holiday period!!! hall stuffs , sports + the additional source of income are driving me crazy...I really hope i can cope after sch starts..I don't wish to give up any of it that i'm committed to now..
results are out..its above my expectation but somehow..i set my goal too low..!!! shucks what am i doing!!I need to work triple hard next sem to pull back my results..this sucks big time
although gpa sucks
i got into the major..that i wanted to...photog..
to many it might seems useless (at some point i thought its rather useless la..lol..) but i know that i will definitely learn something that i not gonna learn in any other majors=D
still thankful for that...
although i'm studying, its worse than working....i don't really have any free time at all but i love it when i'm busy..i don't really like to just nua there and do nothing. just hope that i didn't have too much stuffs..and hope everything will fall in place properly next sem..
went for k singing session with hall peeps, i would say..i never been so crazy before..like singing crazily literally..its really like a stress relieving session...half the boulder in my heart is lifted off. I hope it will just disappear, i really hate this feeling...
for now, i have decided. it will stay with 2012.
thanks for those who are there, listening to all my rants and giving me solutions..
especially my yeobo..although i'm not at work anymore. phone call do help and i'm really glad to have you by my side..no one like you, gives me the fullest support and lead me through my darkest moment.
you are the one that gave me the warmest hug and ample support...sarang hae!
i'm really thankful for whatever I have now..thanks so much people
it's certainly been a long time and that i decided to blog again..not really to restart this blog but to pen down my thoughts since i don't really have much places to rant and grumble on the stress level i'm facing right now. Quit my job not long ago and yea..i should supposedly be free, nua everyday, watch my fave dramas and do nothing..but apparently thats not the case..
took up a job that doesn't really help on my portfolio and the rest of the stuffs that i wanna do, i can't do it at all..+ right now..there is another job in hand which deadline is so near and that i have to go for camp next week...where the hell is all the time that i should be spending for myself, doing all the things that i wanted to do before school starts? this sucks big time..
i have not really get to enjoy, and that i'm pushed into another sort of lifestyle that gonna last for 4 years..why the hell would i make that decision?
not only that i do not have the time for myself, i need to adjust a whole new environment, move into a foreign place, stay by myself. I know that my parents don't really like the idea that i won't be home. I would very much want to be home all the time. be the princess and get served. but i know that i need to be out of my comfort zone. nobody knows how much i dislike it..who likes to be out of the circle that you have drawn?
escape to phuket and bangkok for 9 days..my travel buddy asked me if i missed home..i looked up in the sky..and thought..yea..i miss home..but 80% of me just wanted stay in bangkok..spend all i want and enjoy my life to the max.. i don't like to meet people that is forced..i love meeting new people but not when i ought to know them..worst of all...though i'm not in singapore, i'm chased hard by my "clients" argHHHhh...i should totally switch off my phone..
coming back after 9 days, typing on my laptop, just felt foreign to me..
i love it that i get to read , and complete reading it..
not holding on to the com and phone as if its an amulet.
this trip somehow made me felt that internet/wifi/3g isn't the main thing for me..i love it that we don't really have much access to all the technologies..
i love it when we are at the vintage market..enjoying the slow rock music.. that i felt i lived again.
seriously..now is the time that i should travel, gain a whole new experience from the various countries culture..meet new people that is willing to share their lifetime experience.
we met people from mumbai...i felt that was kinda cool! i wanna talk to them more..after all the pictures that are shown online etc.. i would be glad to visit the country one day.. arrange for homestay and experience family bonding.
if only we can barter trade now..haha..alright..i don't have much to trade for a plane tix now too..haha..
guess i gonna trade for skills hmm..
not sure why but i felt that i learnt a lot through this trip.. there are many encounters etc.. and all the stuffs that happens, people's decision at critical moments..
i was made to process and think during all the waiting moments that we had.
i'm not sure what is it that i'm feeling now..but.. seeing what they are going thru..i would most likely break down which i really feel like doing so for them..
i am really amazed by how strong, tolerance and endurance they have. giving the whole family a big big big big hug..
felt so much better after writing everything down..
decisions is never made easy..from the past. i had to decide..
the fear of making the wrong move
but what is a correct and what is wrong?
its either a long or short, rocky or smooth..
everything is still you..
i would love to say..looking back down my life.. its never smooth sailing but i'm glad i'm still here with all the love ones, the friends and my family..thanks..
guess its a really emotional night ..
ain't working tomorrow as..for the first time of the year...i fell sick...guess it's due to the rain on sat...=(..
and i tink i seriously need some rest before school starts..which is yup.. tomorrow..(those who reads my tweets will know about it) looks like it's not a good start to commence school with sickness..=(
currently...i'm feeling more of nervous than excitement..don't really dare to work out what emotions i'm having....so afraid it might not be what i expected..eTc etc....
updates on work
so far..i'm getting the hang of it...i believe those mistakes that i'm constantly being reprimanded on are corrected...( i guess)..however i have a difficulty...which is to convey what i wanna say to those above.LOL...everytime i finish a sentence..i will tell myself..i bet they don't understand me..LOL...and they really do...hmmm..guess i should work on it..
one of officers left us...( i guess such activities will be common)hmmm...gradually all will be leaving one by one...including my mentor...hmmm..guess i should learn how not to rely on them but myself...like when i noe either one of them(my mentors i mean) are not working..i will feel very uneasy..LOL.....
not that i wanna be puang dang while at work..but seriously..when 1 unhappy event occurs..in the morning..it will happen throughout the day...Zzzzz..that's when i will start to pray time flies fast please!!!!..
we had training last week..many were unhappy in their own branches...i have no comments for some..but after hearing many other comments...i have some thoughts for one..
i bet she must be having a hard time when people can't take it lightly for the other issues that makes up the behaviour...this is not set by us...and we just join the company not knowing about the scheme and unfairness thing....hope she can cope well..=)
nothing is perfect..
one very motto that i learnt..is to take ownership..
shall not elaborate on that...but yea..i think that lets me lead my life at work easier...=)
i read some horoscope...that states april and may will be a busy month for me and looks like it really are...
hope everything will go smoothly for me...=S
Work ain't as smooth sailing as i thought...
As a customer service officer.. We have to face all sorts of customer...and the motto for us staying in this industry is to..
not take it to heart..
but sometimes it's really tough not to do so...
so far...i had faced nasty customers...yea..and i have overcome it...there are nice customers too..
lil stuffs they do..really brightened up my day..=)
To me..i would rather face nasty customers everyday...to know that there will be people backing you up..
but when it comes both ways...you really don't know where to stand and who are your allies..
I really hate the attitude of my co colleagues or should say those people that are above my level..
but i don't blame them...as our jobs are interlinked to each other..so as i'm the first hierarchy in the tree...i'm not supposed to make any mistake...if not..people at the top will get stuck..yea yea yea...
but one thing is..they don't admit their mistake..and they will somehow or rather blamed it on you...if that's my mistake..i will admit..but why push the blame?
i have a character..when things happen..be it my fault or not...i love to explain...and this makes situation worse..so when i'm reprimanded of that mistake..i will try to explain but then again..another thought goes through my mind...whats the point of explaining? it will still be your fault..so i just let it be..
i seriously wonder...in a long run...how am i going to survive in such environment...to swallow everything though it's not your fault..and to swallow every single knowledge i learnt everyday so as not to be scolded being taught so another day...
i really missed the honeymoon period..
if i can't survive in this environment..i doubt i will be able to survive in any other environment..
but what can i do to feel better each day?
worrying is at the top of my list...worried of this..and worried of that..
but i can't seems to find the flame in me...
i just feel like giving up but still holding on to something...
it's something invisible..
2010..is a tough year for me..for the start..hope it will be better as times flies...
guess i'm compensating the slackness i had in 2009...and thus the double impact in 2010...
what do i need now?
supports and supports....
i'm totally drained..
We had a practical test today and I'm so disappointed with my own performance..on the event when the mistake is
Made....I felt so stress totalli.. I didn't make any mistake at all during training period
And I know what's the problem...
My attitude... I shouldn't have take things for granted..to think that they will help us
I always give my 99% effort. In this line, nothing is 99%...everything has to be accurate
And I simply hate my attitude for that..I kept rely on others and not myself
Actually in my own life I didn't do things that are 100% effort and thus the break down
Today...I felt terrible my character
Ask me...what I'm good at...I can't tell...as I'm not sure what I'm good at
Ask me..what I know...I can say..I know a lot of things...but master of none..
This is my first time...crying over mistakes..and the failure of understanding
Thanks to her..our trainer...
I will put in 100% effort for tomorrows test...and no more I guess, or maybe
I will do all the neccessary preparations
got alot of feelings right now..LOL...so gonna blog it!..i gonna compile it and print out in the future..wahahaha...my tweets as well.. trying to be crazy..
listening to xiao zhu's song right now...and i think most ppl knows that the only guy idol that i really admire or like is luo zhi xiang..but guess what? i nv really downloaded his whole album..LOL...and i don't really think his acting skills is good..waHAHAHa
actually i more of admire his character...=) humorous..=))) love guys that have flair for it..
PLUS the most important thing..he knows how to play piano!
that particular day...i'm having tea break with adam and his parents..and i'm seriously not sure why we are always talking about me learning to cook la...buying HDB Flat...(must buy 5 rooms instead of 4, or 3) etc..LOL...den we will go back for dinner and all...and what our kids gonna learn in the future! omg..
i really don't know why suddenly..the topics evolve till this stage?..i don't dare to say anything of course..like what's my opinion and all...
like during dinner...his mum will say..next time adam will become like his dad...pui pui ba ba one..den adam will say...won't la..wife also don't know how to cook...den all the hinting etc.. will start..LOL...
i will definitely continue gobbling down my rice arbo give a huh huh huh smile..LOL...so stress nowadays when go his house to eat..faint..
and they are so afraid that adam will keep playing games till old..LOL...and his father will keep pressurizing him..not sure why they so worried...hmmm...guess they really been through alot
adam's parents been through alot to be together...and till this successful stage..=))..
but i'm..erm..onli 22...LOL!... for goodness sake..ahahaha
actually my main point is...
talking about what our kids gonna learn in the future..
and we are like saying if got daughter..den she gonna learn piano..then i'm like saying..boy also want learn..coz super shuai..LOL..next time got alot girls will like..wahahahahha..
but his mum like don't really think it's good..she thinks it's very gayish...LOL!...but aiya...ultimately..it's up to them..haha..
if they really like something..i believe they will persevere to the end...since i still hope to learn and get a piano one day...
must be supportive..
i have a colleague..that have a super supportive mother...my that colleague smokes..and believe it or not..his mum will buy the cigarettes for him...this is what i really think that mums are really wei da....regardless of what their child do..they still thinks that they are their flesh and blood..no matter what..
like when i'm on the rebellious age previously...ok la..till now..i'm still giving my mum attitude..but previously is worse..LOL..but still..the next day...they will speak to us no matter what..
every sunday..i will always complaint on the breakfast she buy...never once she will say " you go buy yourself la" but she will always say " then what you want to eat..i also don't know"..
wonder what my future will be like..
actually i wanna blog on my work contradictions..end up talking about all the random stuffs in my mind..haha
i'm actually thinking should i continue to pursue studies on banking and finance..since i'm already on the first stage of it..but still...my interest lies in colours and drawings..(though..my skills have to undergo much much training and practices)
1 is like already 2/10 stage...the other is 0/10..
i can't really decide and i don't want to waste more time...
if i gonna pursue B&F..i might get chance to get sponsored..
while..the other..i have to fork out the amount myself..
humans are like that...when there are nothing for them to think..they will always find things to ponder on...and get themselves in the complex complex algebraic equations..
and my trainer was talking about the haiti news..etc..people resort to burning humans alive etc...all this situations are too transparent that many people are immune to it..and thinks that they will definitely get help eventually..
like me..i didn't even bother to read up the news..not until my trainer tells us about it..till now..i don't even know the exact news of it..but..i feel like giving my helping hand..
can't really be there physically..but guess..money will help alot as well...
i actually wanted to purchase the sand dollar from fishville and buy the fish to help haiti..but not sure if the amount really goes to haiti people..hmmmmmm...
can anyone tell me? what other ways might be more direct?wahahaha...=)
probably i can help my boss to " ji some de" also..
k la..tomorrow have 2 more test to go...and many of us are falling ill...including me..i swear that the next time i feeling feverish..i gonna see the doctor...and eat antibiotics..if not..i might be popping panadol non stop..not sure if it's good or bad..LOL
can i say i hate old people? People aged 50 or probably 53 and above?
i seriously don't get their bloody mentality..which forced me to blog here..if not i gonna have internal bleeding..
FIRST OF ALL!
SUPEr tulan max that freakish old lady in the branch! WTF MAX...she is the oldest within the branch...and she act as if we should suck up to her butt to get a good appraisal from her...FKed up manz
first day of work..she keeps yabbing away..saying things like shortage of manpower and still send trainee staffs down..COME ON!...go find out and clear the air if i'm a trainee there or i will be perm there! WTF... ask those people don't teach us let us learn ourselves...
one of the colleagues help us by saying..don't teach they do wrong than lehx? you say again...( FEEL LIKE SCOLDING HER AT THAT TIME but i didn't of course)
which is today..WTF...says that i didn't use my common sense...and when 1 of the staff is teaching me on the items..she says..." aiya..of course don't get it de la..since when they get it"
seriously WTF WTF WTFFFFFFF......i bet her kids or grandchildren are genius uh?
maybe their babies in the stomach can straight away say ABCD...through their mum's throat...
can even run out of their mum's womb uh?
DUMBSHIT...WHO THE HELL KNOWS EVERYTHING AND HOW IT WORKS WHEN WE ARE NOT TAUGHT YET...and YA..you so clever that you need to copy the answers for the monthly quizz?!
freaking retard that loves saying and saying only...so what you are chief there!? come on la..we are all humans and we gonna be colleagues..why can't you be nice to us..and we will work to unitedly together...so where the fuck is the stupid bonding...
seriously..i'm considering of asking a transfer..working there for purely 2 days...i'm already suffocating like mad...although she is retiring in like 7 months time..but i think i might as well ask for a transfer and travel further..since the wake up call is the same timing...major WTF..
she really makes my day real bad..
can't you be a kind old lady that everyone loves? hug you whenever we sees you? why do you just want us to curse and swear your name as if you are a non-human to us?
i'm glad that tomorrow gonna be the last day there for the training..AND I SERIOUSLY HOPE IT'S JUST A PURE TRAINING AREA
prolly it's due to the unhappiness at work...and thus..when i've reached home and realised that the TV is still unfix...i felt really irritated...DAD was home in the morning for the whole day and yet no one bothers to buy the socket and all etc...and purposely wait till mum's home and dad's out..and uncle says that TV is spoilt..
mum gave him quite a lump of sum of money every month..but still...he can jolly well ask mum to pay for such stuffs? it's not the first time that he is asking my mum money for such trival stuffs and i really kind of pissed off
how many kids does he have? yes we are staying at his place..but why are we suppose to feed him..pay the electrical bills...clean up the entire house etc and still! pay him for monthly rental? and don't his kids give him allowance as well? where does his $$ goes too? he don't even need to spend a single bit!
not that we are not willing to pay..but he is taking advantage of us! and guess what is his favourite hobby? STOck...REAL LIVE MARKET STOCK...
he has burnt his fingers countless times and is still not afraid of it...how does he choose the stocks? YES newspaper and radio provides lots of information..but so? i believe 70% is based on intuition! which is never accurate..-____-... and once he burns his finger...he went to ask his son in law for money...great uh?
at the age of 70...still bothering people with money that doesn't concern medical bills...but his itch of calling to purchase the stocks..
he is so stubborn that he don't listen to anyone...so what can we say?
my mum...can't say hate her..since she is my mum...but i guess i can say i hate her character right?
BTH her to the max when people like us...trying to solve the problem..and there she is...keep saying..aiya you all don't know how to do de la..only XXX knows how to do la...from young...she will always criticise the other party..especially my sis and my sis will straight away throw her temper...don't she understand that it's very annoying for her to say such stuffs?
what will she benefit from it?i really don't know..
and yea..this happens when brother was trying to help out to fix the tv..and she keeps saying..aiya..wait for ah leng gege to come la..you don't know de la.. yea la..we know he is good at it..BUT IF WE DON'T TRY..we will never get it right? PC!
and so..i start to say her..in a very polite manner..since my uncle is there..LOL
" you hor..like to say such things to hurt people de lehx..here he is trying to help you all out..and yet you keep saying such things"
bro: (in hokkien) " YA LA...EVERYTIME SAY SAY SAY...MAKES US REAL TULAN..THAN HAPPY"
even my uncle changes his tone of saying (another stubborn bull ..from the tan family)...
quite stunned actually..but a good one..LOL
this old generation people...like to say say say and say...they don't know what is call pride and feelings at all...
how to knock some sense into them?
I so feel like scolding either one of them...esp the chief at the branch..PC!
biscuit went to remove her...uterus etc..LOL..don't know/forget what's the exact term..i know chinese we will say " yan..arbo ge"..LOL..on saturday...hope she will be less arrogant now..but i doubt so ...as she still growls at sumaseh when she delayed her food.